I also am loading my mind with what I think I may need as mental fuel and the exact thoughts I may need to pull up WHEN I struggle. It's going to be a bear, so I can not go into this with an empty mind.
|Middle: My Grandmother Ruth laughing |
with relatives. Her loving spirit was passed on
thru my mother.
I don't fall into the mindset of running a race for someone else.That always sounds silly to me since I can't make the connecting to how my run will help them unless it is for a charity or raising awareness for an actual cause by wearing a shirt or something. Plus, running is a personal experience for me pulling inner strength. It's like saying "run this for Charlie." Just sounds funny to me. Although, moments of strength can be pulled out from powerful thoughts, and the power of others. That I do know about. I make some sort of connection and I can push harder. One thought that has lingered around is in the most unlikely of places. I think of my grandmother that I never met. She died of cancer when my mother was 14. How incredably painful it must have been for my mother at 14. She has not talked much about this until recently, and I have to say it brings me to tears. Not only because I am a mother and can't imagine how hard that would have been to leave my children, but because of how hard my children would grieve a life time. Strange enough, is that my mother was just saying the other day that "we get over things and move on" and then she had a break down when she found her own lump in her breast. She thought of her mother and grieved again. Luckily, my mother's lump was not cancer.
I don't think we do get over all things and events and I don't think we are suppose to. Part of us never does move on when our world is pulled from beneath us. Years can pass and then there we are stumbling on a root and we remember like it was last week or last month. And so I know that one thought will be included on the trail: If my mother can loose her mother at 14 and deal with all that pain, then I can certainly run 50 miles on a trail. If my grandmother can hold on for two years and loose everything that mattered, I can certainly run 50 miles on a trail.
Mental Gear 2
Another heavily relied on aid will be my music. With one ear tuned-in to my ipod and one with nature, I will be pumping my head with 9 hours of power music and listening to what anyone has to say on the trail, especially Evie Ultra. I will just have to reshuffle when the tunes run out. That's all I have time for. Over the last few months I have played many songs over and over that pick me up and kick me in the can, and I feel like a warrior at moments. I just hope I have many of those moments this Saturday. Oh, my not so good friend, Fear just stopped by.
I have replayed a few beats many times in hill repeats Including Grace Potter & the Nocturnals: The Lion, The Beast, The Beat and Orianthi: You Don't Wanna Know. Check them out, because these women rock.
A few others chic power tunes from my 9 hour mix include:
Katy Perry: Roar
Natalie Kills: Brake You Hard
Ellie Goulding: Burn
Krewella: Come & Get It
Kellie Pickler: Tough
Off to pack up my Focused Drive of taking on a 50mile Ultra. I have been looking forward to this day for 9 months...time to birth this mother.