Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Inspired Bird

Doing a marathon feels like giving the middle finger to anything that's ever made me feel scared or vulnerable. 
~ Nancy Barlow  

Thank you Nancy for nailing my feelings exactly. That perfectly describes my race day mindset. The bird (a.k.a. the finger) takes flight this Saturday for another 26.2. I am going for a PR and just put together a fast paced collection of tunes to turn my feet over. I am counting on all the hill repeats (50-80 a week) that I used in lieu of some speed work to pay-off. It makes me a little nervous and taper stir crazy, but come race day I know I have to believe to succeed. 

After being completely sick of my music for the past year, I stumbled upon a great new album a couple days ago from Beckah Shae: Champion. Finally some fast pace, positive, and faith supported tunes to keep my feet and heart on fire. The album is loaded to inspire—I'm going to say it—a champion performance! This album is so new there aren't many videos to connect to it. Turbo Style isn't even my favorite song, but dang it just might be a theme song for my blog.

Will it be a Run or Die kind of day? I have wanted to just let it fly and race in a sports bra for a while. It's part of embracing my freedom and exceptance that I am exactly what God wants me to be and shall I say it—worthy. As well as giving the bird to judgement from others. (Let me use my telepathy and send this message: Hey you know who you are and I'm giving you the bird Saturday for 4 hours.) Being such a cold Winter and Spring, this sports bra might be ridiculously chilly alone for this weekend. Plus, I am still testing this it since it isn't my usual bounce proof vest. But so far, no chafing or riding up in the last 10 miler. When I do finally race a bra alone (which I need to work on some other options today), I think it has to be this little Run or Die number pictured at the left. Yes, that's me and my tutu. I don't think my body is there yet (says the judgmental bitch on my shoulder), but then it beckons the question I have to ask myself immediately, "Just when are YOU going to be good enough?"
It's the constant mental battle for especially women. I have physically come a long way from 9 years ago and running only the past 5, yet can beat the hell out of myself within 10 seconds. 10 seconds is all it takes to say something empowering and useful or something shattering to one's self that may take longer to recoup from. Be kind, but push. I know just what to say to bring me down, or push another workout. I know where I respond well, but can go too far like any normal person. You got me, I am too hard on myself. Maybe there should be a new 10 second rule. Say something positive right now... go. I think it's okay to be a little negative or stressed sometimes, if it is to ignite one's self or another to dig deeper. Not everyone responds well to that pressure though. It's the point that one surrenders sobbingly or starts shoving mass amounts of cake in their mouth that it's gone way too far. Regardless, I have 26.2 to pull off a PR. I'm stir crazy on a taper and this leads into a quote that cracks me up to near tears...
Sometimes I feel like giving up, and then I remember I have a lot of motherfuckers to prove wrong.
Truth. Off to find my focused drive to let the bird fly for 26.2!

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